The Sour Memories

Someone called me a snob at school and I accepted it.

Dear Reader,

You might remember reading my post, ‘The Sweet Memories’ a few months ago. I wrote it after one of my school best friends put up a very old photograph of mine and his on his story. In that post, I wrote about the school memories I cherish and want to reminisce forever and ever. This post is a bit different though. Today, I will be accounting my ‘sour’ memories of school and childhood basically. Why, you ask? Well… it’s always good to remember the good and bad things that happened in the past because that helps us to live our present and future better.

My School from Grade 3 to 12

So, the first sour memory I have about school is when I choked my best friend against the wall. I was in 3rd grade at that time. We were assigned to make an art and craft project out of old stuff. So I (my mom)… and this is so funny, made a dustbin out of the discarded art supplies and boxes we had. I took that with me to school one day and I was sitting on my seat waiting for the classes to commence. My best friend (the same one who put up our picture on his Instagram story) came near me and snatched the dustbin from my hands. He liked teasing me so this was just his way to do that. I was desperately trying to get it back because I’m really serious about the things that are mine. No one has the right to take them away from me. Anyways, he was running here and there with my dustbin and I just couldn’t be able to catch him. Then, somehow I caught hold of him and I choked him against the wall and said, “Give me back my dustbin!!” He gave it quickly and I immediately came to my senses. Others were just watching and enjoying the scene like an audience. Thinking about this always makes me laugh out loud. Why did I strangle someone to death just for a dustbin? Let’s just say, I was a ferocious child back then.

That friend of mine also remembers this incident and he jokingly asked me to recreate it with the boy who stole my MacBook. Yes, my MacBook got stolen for those who don’t know. He said this:

Okay I didn’t remember him throwing my dustbin across the class. You know what, he completely deserved the strangling (LOL!). Just kidding. I always feel really sorry about this.

The next sour memory I have about school is when I was in 5th grade. At that time, we used to write everything with pencils. We were only allowed to write with pens from the next semester of grade 5. So, we had a small test of some subject I can’t remember. I sat on the first bench as always to write the test, and weirdly a boy who was always a backbencher, sat just next to me during the test. I noticed that he was trying to look at my notebook for answers. So, I played with him. It was a really simple exam of spellings and making sentences. I wrote wrong spelling and made grammatically wrong sentences, and that boy was dumb enough to copy everything and just wasted no time in running to the teacher, submitting his notebook and going back to his bench at the back. There was still some time left for the test to end, so I quickly erased everything, wrote correct answers and submitted the test. The next day, I got full marks and he was scratching his head and giving me a ‘bombastic side eye’ while whining for getting a zero in a test ‘he prepared really well’ for.

When I was in grade 6, a girl was sitting in front of me. Someone asked me to call her. I called her name but she didn’t answer at all. I called again, and again. Then she answered and said, “I don't want to talk to you cause you’re ugly.”. I was taken aback for a second and then said to her, “Yeah just like you.” She looked me for a second with furious eyes and then turned ahead. This was the moment when I felt that I am a snob but I didn’t know it at that time.

A few months after this happened, we were going for a picnic by a school bus. Unfortunately, I was sitting beside that girl. She was listening to music on her pink iPod nano. I have always been a bit tech obsessed and especially apple obsessed so I was constantly looking at the iPod screen. She noticed it and said, “Don’t even dare touching it!!” Then I said, “Who wants to? You’ve touched it before. It’s just untouchable now.” And I laughed. Thinking about all these memories makes me feel, how snobbish I was during my school years. There must be a reason for it.

You see, I have always been a heavily pampered child since my birth. I have always gotten what I wanted and I have always been outspoken when it comes to my feelings. If someone says or does something bad, I waste no time in answering them back with an even worse response. Not to say that it’s the right thing to do but it is what feels right to me. I’m a pathological people pleaser but at the same time, I can’t forgive people who do something wrong with me or my loved ones.

So, often times I have been rude to people who said something minutely wrong to me. I was always the most favourite student of every teacher at school and I was good at studies and extracurriculars except sports. I was a good orator at school. Because of all this, others used to be jealous of me. And this is not me guessing all this. They were because their words and actions always told me that. I looked down upon many kids cause they didn’t have the same kind of financial status than me, and I just feel horrible about it. I’ve never considered anyone to be superior to me. No matter how old or young they are. That always helps me to never feel sad or broken because I just don’t consider others’ opinions about me. My opinion about myself matters the most to me. Does that make me a snob? A fellow kid called me that in school and I said, “ Yeah I am, so what?”

I’ve been really good with my best friends and worst nightmares for my foes but what ultimately matters to me is my opinion. Will that person feel bad if I say something bad to them? Yeah, they will, but who cares? They were the ones who wronged me first so they are well deserving of that. This is why I can kinda justify these sour memories but at the same time, feel sorry for doing all this. Should you not talk to someone because they’re ugly? Not at all. Should you snatch someone’s project just to have ‘fun’? No!! Should you cheat? Never. Okay maybe you can sometimes but I don’t support it.

Anyways, all these memories are on one side and this one is on another. So, before telling you about that, I wanna share something. I had been really good friends with two people since 3rd grade. One is the person who snatched away my dustbin and later apologised with a ‘very sweet gesture’ that almost felt lovable. The other one is a girl I’ve always liked and still do. We three were best friends, and still are. Let’s call the boy, Vincent and the girl, Miley.

Now, time for a sour memory again. So, we were in 9th grade. I and Miley used to be really good friends. So much so, that our classmates used to guess if we were a couple. We were not though. We didn’t want to give our relationship a name. We just liked being with one other. So, during class, we had those two seater benches at that time. Miley used to sit in front of me with her friend and I used to sit behind her with my friend, Vincent.

One day, we had a new student in class. He was from Saudi Arabia. Let’s call him Aston. Aston had a crush on Miley, and naturally he wanted to befriend me to be close to her. So, he asked Vincent to go to some other place and he started sitting with me. Nothing changed between me and Miley. We used to talk as usual. Aston would try talking to her but she never paid any attention to him. He became depressed after that. After a few days, he would come to school with a fountain pen, blade, and big bottle of glue.

Every time, Miley used to talk to me, he would start scratching his arm with a blade, until it started bleeding. And then he would empty a bottle of the fountain pen ink in his hands and rubbed it until his palms were stained with blue ink. He would do the same with glue. Spreading it on his palm and then peeling it all. I always felt weird about him after this. Day by day, his scratches and bandaids started increasing. I noticed that every time we talked, he would scratch his arm under the table. I told this to Miley, and she asked to not pay attention. I also thought that I can’t stop talking to her because of his actions. So, we didn’t and his self harm actions continued.

One day, I was wearing a gold ruby ring at school. I wear it all the time by the way. Even now, while writing. Miley touched my finger to look at it closely and immediately felt something sharp scratching her waist. She felt confused and turned ahead. That day, she went home and saw a big red scar on her waist. She told this to her mom who complained about this to our teacher. The teacher called me and Aston along with Miley. Miley was assured that it wasn’t me and I also admitted that I didn’t do it. We both had suspicions on Aston and I told about him when I was alone with the teacher. The teacher called Aston in his office. Having only two of them in the room, Aston confessed that he did it.

The teacher finally came up with a heartbreaking solution. She changed Miley’s section. I felt something breaking within me while she was leaving the classroom with her bag pack. Aston would still sit with me and he was perfectly fine now. He didn’t indulge in any kind of self harm in front of me from that day. We are still connected on Instagram. He’s doing a major in Psychology at some college in London. May God bless him.

This is the most sour memory of my school years and I can never get this out of my head. While thinking about all this, I just wonder, Was I a snob for not stopping talking with Miley? I knew Aston was hurting himself because of us. Did I do something bad? Maybe. Do I regret it now? Maybe but also not.

These were my sour memories after the sweet ones I shared earlier. While reading this, you might feel that I was a perfect candidate for being a snob and I think I am one. Even now. You might have seen me writing a lot of negative notes about some writers here. And I still stand by everything I said because that is just me being a snob. I know it’s wrong but it’s equally wrong to block someone for no fucking reason. You will get a well deserved answer for such a stupid action. And that was it. Once I vent out my feelings by saying whatever the fuck I want about someone, I come at peace. I can’t remain silent when someone calls me a pedophile and misogynist on this platform when all I am doing is just supporting a minor in her writing journey. Say whatever you want, I will support people whom I want to support. Be it a minor, adult or someone old. No-one can stop me or scare me by blocking me or calling me a pedophile. You are just wasting your time and battery of your phones by blocking and writing about me. Yes, I am a snob and I will always look down upon those who wrong me. FUCK OFF!!

Farewell.